Can Hines catch up?

“I told you, we shouldn’t stop here. I hate these chintzy take-out places.”

“I know, but we’ve still got a long way to drive – on mostly-unpaved roads, for that matter. So, let’s take a chance on this little greasy spoon.”

“Hi, welcome to Lloyd’s Transportation Take-Out. Can I take your order?”

“Yeah, sure. Um… I guess I’ll have the Destination Reeves Street Special.”

“Excellent choice, sir. We’ve had a lot of people commenting on that one. They love the efficient arrow designs that show you exactly where to find the individual portions of your meal.”

“Yeah, great. Ring it up for me.”

“Hey, Lloyd! Give me a Destination Reeves Street Special, to go!”

“Wait a minute. That comes with flashing green directional lights, doesn’t it? I’d love to get a couple of those.”

“Um… Sorry, sir, that costs extra.”

“What? The big sign behind your head says flashing greens are included with the Destination Reeves Street Special. I wouldn’t have ordered it if I couldn’t get flashing greens.”

“Hey, Lloyd, this guy wants flashing greens with his Reeves Street combo.”

“Sorry, I’m just the manager. Head office makes the rules, and head office thinks you should pay extra.”

“But why would you put it on the sign if…”

“Just forget it, Harry. Take the Reeves Street whatever-it-is and let’s hope we can get flashing greens some other time.”

“But I want flashing greens NOW! The doctor says they’re good for my health!”

“I’m sure they are, but they just won’t happen tonight. Right now. I’m just exhausted and I need to get some food and get out of here.”

“What can we get you, ma’am?”

“Let me look – hmmm, that Yarmouth Ferry Seafood Special looks good. I’ll try that.”

“Sorry, we’re out of those.”

“What? You’ve got signs all over the place boasting about your Yarmouth Ferry Seafood Special. They call it ‘The Perfect Summer Treat That’s Even Better In The Fall.’”

“Must be a misprint.”

“And the signs also say that your competitors, Shifty Tim and Greasy Gary, wouldn’t even consider offering a Yarmouth Ferry Seafood Special and that Lloyd’s Transportation Take-Out is the only place in town that would ever serve it up.”

“Uh… Lloyd? We got a customer here that’s insisting on a Yarmouth Ferry Seafood Special.”

“Give them the half-off version.”

“What do we get with the half-off version?”

“You get these handsome biodegradable containers designed in the shape of a ferry, and a free collector’s cup with a logo for ‘The CAT.’”

“But how much actual food do we get?”

“You don’t. The food’s on back order from Bar Harbour, and who knows when they’ll get their act together.”

“This is ridiculous. When can we get a full Yarmouth Ferry Seafood Special? With actual food?”

“Uh… Lloyd?”

“Hey, how would you folks like to try our Highway-Twinning Sundae for dessert?”

“Dessert?!? We haven’t even gotten the food we already ordered! Oh, well, fine, then. Bernice, why don’t we each go for one of these Life Is A Highway Sundaes or whatever they’re called. Yeah, two of those.”

“Coming up! Oh. Oops. I forgot. Our sundae machine is broken down, and we don’t have enough money to get it fixed.”

“If the machine is broken, you really should stop offering it and take it down off your menu signs.”

“Yeah, but that would be too hard. And ruin our image. This way, at least people think we’re offering Highway-Twinning Sundaes and they might come in and try something else.”

“But wouldn’t it be better for your image to actually invest the money into fixing the machine and offering these King Of The Road Sundaes or whatever they’re called?”

“Hey, it’s not me. It’s head office. But we’ve got a back-up solution.”

“Okay, lay it on me.”

“You pay for half of the cost of fixing our ice-cream machine, and you can have unlimited Highway-Twinning Sundaes for the rest of your lives.”

“Have you lost your minds? At the rate you’re going with all these half-baked, incomplete food offerings and false advertising, we’re done with this dump. The only reason we’re even inside your restaurant is because the drive-thru is so backed up.”

“Hey, Lloyd, what’s with the drive-thru?”

“One of our trucks with the ‘Follow Me – Do Not Pass’ signs came up here, looking for a coffee, and all those other people just thought they should stay behind him. Let’s give them all free pylons full of onion rings and hope they don’t file a lawsuit.”

“Okay, Bernice, I’ve had enough of this. Let’s try one of those other places, Shifty Tim or Greasy Gary.”

“You’ll regret it, dude!”

“Never mind them. We’ve got bigger problems. Head office is on the phone.”

“You mean, Big Steve?”

“Yeah, Big Steve. Hold on to your chipotle. This could get salty.”