A hotdog is a sandwhich, Trump is still president, sobriety isn’t easy, and here come the King movies

I’m sick today so it looks like you folks are stuck with another random thoughts column. Apologies.

Alright let us settle this once and for all. The hotdog is a sandwich. Yeah, yeah cry foul all you want, but the facts are the facts. A sandwich is bread encapsulating a filling of some sort. A hotdog is a meat, or probably several meats really, surrounded almost entirely by a bun.

Now, the main argument against a hotdog being a sandwich is the fact there is only one piece of bread. Malarkey, I say. The number of pieces of bread is irrelevant when it comes to the question of whether or not something is a sandwich. The defining factor is the style in which the bread is used. For instance, an open-faced sandwich is most definitely not a sandwich. It is an insidious lie enforced by the restaurant industry in order to save money on food costs. Don’t believe the hype, people. It’s just a pile of food.

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Now let’s look at the hotdog bun by itself. If you made a PB and J with a hotdog bun, would it still be a sandwich? Yes, absolutely. Trading a sausage for the peanut butter would not change the classification of the meal. It would remain a sandwich. Therefore, a hotdog is indeed, a sandwich. Case closed.

(Now, does this have ramifications elsewhere? Of course. A hamburger is a sandwich. A burrito… a burrito is not a sandwich and I’ll tell you why. A tortilla is not bread. There, I said it. It is a starch, most definitely, and it deserves a place at the table of grain based foods no doubt, but it is not bread.)

 

Trump is still the president. I don’t have anything else to add. I’m just pointing it out in case anyone was having a good day.

 

This sobriety thing isn’t easy but it’s getting easier. I’m not tempted to drink, although there have been a few times at restaurants where there is a beer beside me and part of my brain starts casually pointing out that one beer won’t hurt, or even a tasting of whatever the restaurant has on tap. Then the rest of me points out, and rightly so, that a taste will lead to more tastings and within a month, I will be much, much poorer. So… yeah, it is what it is.

 

I am pleased to see It making some serious bank (I thought about writing “It made a killing” but puns are the Donald Trump of word play). Hopefully it will make up for the underwhelming performance of The Dark Tower, and as I wrote last week, will likely mean a slew of King properties coming to the theatre. If I had to put money down, I would suggest we are looking at remakes of Cujo and Christine in the next few years, with Tommyknockers not far behind. The Stand has a chance but its length will likely require a trilogy.

I’m not mad at any of this, in part because it will likely take the focus off superhero movies for a while, which will mean only quality superhero movies get made. I’m looking at you, Batfleck.

I’m done now.

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Antigonish native Matt Draper has been a photographer, reporter and columnist for The Reporter since 2003.