When I get low, I tend to punish people. I say people but I mostly mean myself.
For instance, today I was in a terrible mood. Now, you could say to yourself, Matt…you’re always in a terrible mood. My joke response is, that’s not true. I occasionally sleep. My honest answer is…that’s not true at all. I do smile. I just don’t usually do it in front of people.
I spent the last six months of my life training fairly hard. Nowhere near as hard as professionals, obviously, but definitely harder than your average 39-year-old. I ate right, I almost slept enough, and I was a fairly upbeat and reasonable person. With that came a trimmer figure and abs, of which I am far too proud. Seriously, it’s sad.
So what did I do today because I was in a bad mood? I ate enough McDonalds to choke a Clydesdale. Why would I do such a thing? Again, I tend to punish myself. And why would I punish myself? Because I let my life get ahead of me.
It’s true. A number of the good things in my life went pear-shaped and it’s at least 57 per cent my fault. (Accounts vary. Some say the fault entirely mine. Some say those people are stunned…and even though the “some” in this case is me, it makes the point no less valid.) This is confusing I am sure, but I’m being as vague as possible for a reason. I’m not sure what the reason is, but I’m sure the reason does indeed exist.
Regardless, I plan to steady the ship or right the course or whatever nautical cliché you prefer.
For instance, I tried yoga the other day. It was…interesting. I respect the fact it makes people stronger and more flexible. The teacher lady (who probably has a name) kept telling me to breathe, which I was obviously doing as I am still alive. Really though. I wasn’t aware there was a way to breath wrong but, lo and behold, I found it. Still, she was nice about the whole situation. I could do without the five minutes of laying there in the dark though. Yeesh. That’s a bit too close to just sitting there and giving the voices in my head free reign and I do far too much of that already.
Tomorrow I’ll eat healthy and then again the day after that and hopefully keep things going.
If you don’t know me, I was in a pretty dark place for a pretty long time. I’m not even sure how I ended up a 40-year-old. I don’t remember much from my 30s and even less from my 20s. A savage boozing problem will do that to a person.
But hey, that’s in the past and I intend on keeping it there. So onward and upward I suppose. This isn’t meant to read like some sort of self-help, self-actualized pile of nonsense…though I am not the greatest writer so I am not sure how it is coming across.
I guess what I am trying to say is, I’ll be fine. It might take a while but I’ll be cool.
I’m done now.