Thoughts on storm days

What with the dazzling number of storm days in the last few weeks, it’s high time to offer my list of favourite storm day activities. Sure, I am an adult and storm days, for me, mean working from home, but still, it’s my column and I’ll write what I want.

1- Marathoning media. I say media here because gorging on television and gorging on movies are two very different time investments. If you have absolutely nothing else to do in the day, re-watching a movie series is the way to go. If you have a few things to do, like other things on this list for example, television is the way to go. Television episodes rarely last longer than an hour, or 25 minutes if you are looking at sitcoms, so you can get a few things done in between. If you have a bunch of things you can do in front of the television, fire up YouTube and fall down that rabbit hole for a few hours while also otherwise engaging yourself…and by that I mean doing stuff like random chores. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Also, Netflix, please stop asking me if I want to continue watching whatever it is I am watching. Yes, I know I should be doing something constructive with my time. I don’t need you judging me. As a bonus, I also have my Xbox One telling me I have reached such “achievements” as watching three hours of videos with less than 1,000 views…so, yeah. It’s always fun to have a machine snidely tell me I have no life.

2- Sleep. I can ruin the better part of an afternoon catching up on the sleep I should have had the night before without feeling any guilt whatsoever. It’s my superpower. Well, that and my inability to love.

3- Eating. I don’t need to explain food to you, do I?

4- Cooking. While nowhere near as lovely as eating, in a lot of cases you need to cook in order to eat. Plus it gets you on your feet for a few minutes, which is a nice way to help you lie to yourself about actually doing something productive with the day.

5- Chores. Chores are boring and stupid. (That’s right laundry, I hate you.) Sadly, they have to get done and so why not do them now and bank some good karma with yourself.

6- Going outside. If going out in the snow is your idea of fun, we will not be friends. Acquaintances, maybe, but I’ll just refer to you as the nut who likes going outside and we’ll probably have a falling out when you try to get me to go snowshoeing and I call you a loathsome hippy.

Dead last- Shoveling. Obviously this one belongs in the basement…of the list that is. If you have to shovel in your actual basement, you have more problems than snow storms. Granted my room looks like a junk bomb went off so I am in no position to accuse anyone of anything. From the possibility of enduring back pain and the abundance of snow, only the true masochists enjoy shoveling. “But it’s a workout,” you might say. “You’re insane and no one likes you,” would be my reply.

No longer viable- Drinking. I quit boozing on January 1 so knocking back a pile of beers is not an option anymore. Well, I suppose it is an option but not one I chose anymore. If you think a storm day means a bottle of wine (or two) have at it. I’ll be over in the corner crushing a box of Twinkies and wondering why I’m fat.

I’m done now.

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Antigonish native Matt Draper has been a photographer, reporter and columnist for The Reporter since 2003.