Top 10 sandwiches

We are back with the revised list of my top 10 sandwiches. Here we go.

6) Club sandwich: In the last column ranted about how tomatoes ruin everything except for red sauce, but club sandwiches usually come with toothpicks to keep the divided sections held fast. It’s a slick move and helps provide the club a certain level of mystique that keeps the sandwich relevant.

I always associate this sandwich with Frank Sinatra for some reason. He looks like a club sandwich kind of guy.

5) Roast beef: This would have been lucky to crack the top 15 before the start of the month as I had not had the pleasure of reintroducing myself to roast beef earlier in my return to carnivorous roots. Now, it’s in the top five.

Way to go, roast beef. You should feel good about yourself.

4) Shipwreck: This was my Grammy’s term for a meal made up of leftovers. Whatever was in the fridge was what was for supper. I occasionally take the same approach to a sandwich. Sometimes it’s bad, sometimes it’s good, and sometimes you top it with a sunnyside-up egg and everything is magical.

I still adhere to the no ketchup on any of my sandwiches rule though. We can’t have complete chaos. Chaos is only fun until we run out of toilet paper.

I’m not sure what that meant but it sounded profound in my head. Please let me have this. I have been trying to land a joke there for 15 minutes and I’m tired.

3) Turkey: I slept on turkey sandwiches for a long time because my only introductions early on involved either a hot turkey sandwich, which I felt was better without the bread, or a turkey and mayo sandwich, which I felt was better in the trash.

Now, a turkey sandwich can include whatever else went into thanksgiving dinner or simply turkey and a few add-ons. I prefer cheddar cheese to Swiss but maybe I’m the monster on that one. I also prefer mustard to mayo and on this hill I will not budge. Mustard is superior to mayo when it comes to turkey.

It’s superior to all sandwiches really but in this case, I ask you all to give it a try. If you don’t like it, I don’t care about you as a person. Please keep your distance.

2) Meatball grinder: I have to say, if these were easier to make, there might have been a closer race between the top two. I ordered one of these on one of my first trips back into the land of eating things with faces and it wasn’t bad. I made my own later and it was sublime.

Let’s keep the tomato sauce simple though, yeah? You freaks who put sugar in your red sauce can jog right on and if you keep going to the point where I will never have to see you again, I’ll be eternally grateful.

1) Grilled cheese: As I wrote earlier, ease-of-use alone plays a big part in this sandwich’s popularity. Sure, you have to cook the thing, but all you need is cheese and bread. Take both, add heat, don’t burn and you’re done.

I’m told dressing the outside of the bread with mayo before cooking is a hack worth trying, which means I may have just written my only positive words for mayonnaise. If you want to get fancy with a grilled cheese, feel free. It’s wrong and insults the very sensibilities for which this sandwich stands (life, liberty, and laziness) but hey, maybe you don’t have a moral compass. Who am I to judge your level of sociopathy?

Anyway, that’s the list.

I’m done now.