How often have you attempted to put on a t-shirt in a dark bedroom, only to find you’ve put it on backwards?
If you’re like me, your success rate isn’t very good. I haven’t kept track, but if I had to guess, I’m running around 20-30 per cent. This might not seem like a big deal, but it’s something I think about a lot.
Since the law of averages dictates that it should be a 50-50 proposition over the course of my lifetime, then I’m probably going to have to live till I’m at least 120 to have any chance of getting to that point, and there is just not enough in my RRSP for me to comfortably live that long.
This is just one of the many things that keep me up at night. Here are a few more samples:
Why did I need to learn in school what a rhombus was?
Remember when you learned your shapes? They always started with the circle and the square, advanced to the triangle and rectangle, and then threw all these other shapes at you that you never really needed to know.
In my 61 years on this planet, I’ve never once had to use this knowledge. I lose stuff all the time, but in describing these items to others, I’ve not once uttered the words “well, it’s sort of rhombus shaped.”
In fact, in the process of writing this column, I had to Google to find out what the heck a rhombus is, and it turns out it’s a “quadrilateral with four equal sides.” Of course, that led to Googling “quadrilateral” and before I knew it, I was spiralling uncontrollably down this geometric rabbit hole.
Have you ever been at a sporting event and heard someone shout out “rah?” I didn’t think so.
I do a lot of crossword puzzles, and this word keeps popping up, with clues like “a cheerleader’s shout” or “part of a cheer.”
I’m sure that if you were at a ball game and the person in the seat next to you started hollering “rah,” your first reaction might be that they just bit into an undercooked hotdog, not that they were cheering for their team.
“Rah,” in case you weren’t aware, is a shortening of the word “hurrah,” which is also never heard at sporting events. And while we’re on the subject, the kids’ song “Rah, Rah, Sis, Boom, Bah” also needs to be retired.
By the way, if you’re not old enough to remember The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, he did a regular bit called Carnac the Magnificent in which he’d introduce a phrase and then reveal its meaning. The following is one of my favourites:
“Sis-Boom-Bah.” “Describe the sound when a sheep explodes.”
If ever there was an unnecessary clothing accessory, it’s got to be the vest.
I’ve never really warmed up to the vest as a viable article of clothing. I haven’t owned many over the years, and what vests I do have were gifts, and they’ve been relegated to the very back of my closet. I appreciate the vest as part of a three-piece suit, as it offers a more complete look. But to buy a vest to wear regularly just doesn’t make sense to me.
You are clearly overthinking your wardrobe if you’re planning for conditions where you want to keep your torso warm but feel like your arms can just fend for themselves. If simply removing your jacket when you get too warm is putting too much pressure on you, then you’ve clearly got other problems.
Why do they not offer more size options for men’s socks?
As someone who has peaked at the lofty height of five feet, six inches, this has been a pet peeve of mine for many years.
Whenever I go sock shopping, I’m confronted with nothing but package after package that insist the socks fit sizes seven to 13. Can you name me another article of clothing where they’d even try to pull this nonsense? I generally take a size eight shoe, while the average size for most men is between 10 and 11. I have lots of friends in that range and beyond, yet I wouldn’t expect any of them would feel comfortable in my socks.
I’ve looked into it, and I’ve discovered that this is due to “economic manufacturing efficiencies and the high stretchability of modern materials.” In other words, sock makers are capitalizing on men’s indifference when it comes to clothing themselves. For those men who actually shop for their own socks, too many just want to put a layer of fabric between their feet and their shoes. That’s really the only consideration.
I know they’d never get away with this when it comes to women’s socks. In fact, I’ve resorted to buying women’s socks on a couple of occasions, in the desperate attempt to avoid wearing ill-fitting socks.
That’s enough ranting for one week. I thank you for helping me get some of these things off my chest. Happy Easter!