‘Twas the week before Christmas, and Santa was sighing
As true Christmas spirit appeared to be dying
At this time of year, kindness should have been stronger
Instead, Saint Nick’s “Bad List” grew longer and longer
With 12 months of naughtiness weighing him down
Santa’s cherubic smile had become a sad frown
He took out his map and looked south from the Pole
Sensing many Canucks would receive lumps of coal
Down on Parliament Hill, little Billy Morneau
Seemed to spend his time covering his tracks in the snow
With his assets unfrozen, his interests protected
And his “Tax Fairness Plans” coming off misdirected
Mr. Claus also shuddered at Harjit Sajjan’s
Bold-faced lies about his roles in military plans
But the Naughty List covers all political stripes
Like the Leitches and O’Learys of far-right-wing gripes
And the folks lousing up the Phoenix payroll system
All those checks should be here, but somehow, they all missed ‘em
From the West to the East, from the left to the right,
Santa found boys and girls showing venom and spite
Calling cabinet ministers names like “Climate Barbie”
Spending way too much dough on Canada’s birthday party
Spreading racism, sexism, hatred and gore
Hailing statues of murderers, blaming refugees and more
In the Maritimes, Santa saw premiers refuse
To back bargaining rights for those paying union dues
And then, with the ballot boxes present last May,
Nearly half of Nova Scotians stayed home on that day
On the shores of the mighty Northumberland Strait
Saint Nick spotted a pulp mill that just couldn’t wait
To spend millions on ads to improve their bad image
While shutting down protests at their own line of scrimmage
And speaking of football, no gifts for St. Mary’s
Whose Huskies weren’t nimble as sugarplum fairies
Blowing leads to Acadia, and losing the title
With ineligible players branded as vital
As he looks further south, Santa shudders and winces
At the long list of big names once treated like princes
Former giants of pop culture, politics and glamour
Now given pink slips as we bring down the hammer:
Go, Weinstein! Go, Spacey! Go, Lauer and Keilor!
Go, C.K.! Go, O’Reilly! Go, Franken and Tambor!
From the top of the heap to the bottom of the pile –
Now, put away all your cheap moves and fake smiles!
Casting a sad eye towards Washington, D.C.,
Santa wondered where “good boys and girls” might just be
With lawmakers squabbling over health care and taxes
Unable to cooperate, just grinding their axes
Led by the unstable Commander-In-Chief
Giving world leaders fits, causing Americans grief
Tossing paper-towel rolls to the hurricane-ravaged
Using his “social” media to spread words so savage
Turning blind eyes to Nazis in big public riots
Backing sleazebags for Senate – “Roy Moore, come on, try it!”
Santa just couldn’t see himself coming and knocking
On the Oval Office door to fill up Donald’s stocking
Or filling the socks of the rogue GOPs
That guided the Trump ship through such stormy seas:
On Bannon! On Pence! On Spicer! On Rex!
On Huckabee-Sanders! (Your pie had no effects!)
On Sessions! On McConnell! On Ryan! On “Mooch”!
They all gave the mighty Trump keister a smooch
While the Angriest Orange fanned the flames overseas
Santa, searching for answers, could hardly be pleased
With the tweets and the rallies and the UN address
Taunting “Little Rocket Man,” Theresa May, and the rest
Is a nuclear holocaust on the horizon?
Is Brexit a failure? (Would that be surprisin’?)
Can we find some redemption in this day and age,
Where huge corporate mergers become all the rage,
As Disney gets 21st-Century Fox?
That $52 billion could buy lots of socks
Or get clean drinking water for aboriginal lands
Or feed starving children on African sands
Santa surveyed the year, so bogged down with despair
With misogyny, hatred, and grief everywhere
Gun violence at concerts and houses of prayer
Destruction carried out by the sowers of terror
Saint Nick’s jolly face now looked very morose
And as Christmas drew near, he came terribly close
To shuttering the workshop and laying off elves
And putting the toys back up on the shelves
Leaving the reindeer tied up in their stables
Or watching The Orville on digital cable
But spotted an image that gave him some hope
That the world was now changing and learning to cope
A magazine cover depicting brave souls
Who had long ago tired of their lumps of coal
And now sought out change, and protection for all
Who would seek gender equity and answer the call
Emboldened by courage that once had gone dry,
Santa hitched up his sleigh for his trip through the sky
And I heard him exclaim, in a voice loud and bright:
“Thank you, all ‘Silence Breakers’ – let’s take back the night!”